Crumb – Southern Hospitality. Kind of. Weird.

I keep track of ‘southernisms’ as I call them, and, yes, this is probably a snobby, Frasier-ish thing to do. These are behaviors and sayings that confirm to this Seattleite that I live now in another country. A country within a country. THE SOUTH. Most are simply different ways of doing things that I do, but doing them…differently, like dropping a dollop of hog fat into a pan before frying up hog meat. If lard is tasty, and if bacon is tasty, well, the only logical conclusion is that they must taste better together, right? It’s a thing that many in the South would never think about, but if I were to eat it, I’d have to Roto-Rooter my aortas immediately after.

So, here’s a weird one. You see the car in the photo? You see driveway? You see the car in the photo blocking part of my driveway? Very weird to me, but not uncommon. Neighbors on both sides of me entertain lots, and I’ve come outside to see a car parked halfway into my driveway.

Maybe it’s me, but in Seattle, I can imagine this causing a real ruckus. A live free or die kind of thing. Not here in the hospitable south. In fact, I went to the neighbor’s once because I couldn’t get my car out of the drive. I didn’t have to go to the store, but it’s like the cookie jar: whatever you can’t have is what you want most. I could have waited, but I walked over to the party where someone stuck a glass of cold tea in my hand, and I replied, ‘No, no. I’ve got to get my car out the driveway, and can’t someone’s in the way.’

The someone was found, and they were immediately worried. “Everything okay,” they asked? “The family’s all good?”

Everyone was fine, I assured them, I just need to get out of the driveway. And – also weird – they were happy to oblige me and saw nothing wrong with this lapse in good sense and neighborly love.

We walked outside together. “So sorry about this, but I couldn’t find another spot.”

I looked down the road, and it was clear on both sides. I still haven’t figured this out, but, apparently, if you’re invited to a shindig, you have to park in front of the house you’re shindigging at. If there are more than three or four cars, then they’ll be blocking driveways on both sides. 

It’s all a little crazy to me, but I’m from Seattle.

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