You know those weight loss emails? Those ‘a pill a day for less than the cost of a doctorate at Princeton?’ ads? I get them all the time. I’m sure you do, too. Gladly, my email client weeds them out and rightly deposits them with a clunk in the junk folder. The ad below is from SkinnyPill at ketoskinnyhealthy. They want me to click something, and I don’t. I used to go through the motions of blocking them, but it takes too long, so I just skip and move on. My emailer deletes it in ten days, anyway.

I love this little blurb about losing weight:

Lose pounds!


That’s it. That’s the entire email. I suppose if I were to click on it, the Social Security Department would issue a warrant for my arrest, or my after-market repair plan for the car I sold three years ago will expire. Oh well.

Now, using the super-duper nuclear physics decay calculation, I figure that after some 200 days, I would completely cease to exist. Probably less with this poison. And still even less if my wife found out. 

Speaking of my wife, her tiny little body would hardly make it two months on this swill. The weird thing is that I did lose 50 pounds in two months a few years ago. I was hospitalized due to a bike racing accident and had to be fed through a stomach tube. I still have the scar and tell people it’s where I got shot with a 9mm. Kids are impressed, and their parents ask lots of questions. But – back to the hospital – my wife and the staff were pretty worried about my weight loss, but, hey! they’re only trained medical staff! What do they know? And c,mom – the folks at ketoskinnyhealth have to be smarter than that, right? 

So my advice – my lived experience and all that – is that if you want to lose weight and be under medical care the entire time, then throw yourself in front of a speeding car next time you’re walking/cycling along the back roads… You won’t even have to buy anything! It’s a win!